F 2020

This would have made the perfect holiday card, am I right? It was taken on our anniversary this year at the Chicago Botanic Gardens. At this moment we were just so relieved to be out of the house and doing something new, something that could be fun and special. But in classic 2020 style Aleck complained for almost the entire time we were there and by the end of the evening, all the “Joy” had been sucked right out of me. See how easy it is to pretend that things are great? Because in this one moment they really are, and then like everything else, it all falls apart. But we all try to capture these seconds of bliss, both on our phones and in our hearts.

On December 31, 2019, Aleck fell on a patch of ice and cracked his femur. We felt this could be one of two signs; that this could be a year of healing since technically the break came on the day before 2020, therefore we’d be starting 2020 off with actively healing his leg. Or this could be a sign that 2020 was going to be one of the worst years we’ve ever experienced. With the holiday cards rolling in the theme is the same everywhere, this was a horrific year beyond all of our wildest imaginations. For me, December is normally filled with sparkle and electricity, you can feel the energy everywhere you go as people are celebrating, getting together, toasting to that in life which keeps us going. It’s also my birthday month, so I get that tingle the minute the calendar turns to the first, an extra spring in my step, a feeling of anticipation of excitement yet to come. This December there is no spring in my step. There is no sparkle of electricity. There is no energy. Despite the advertising world’s best efforts to push it through our screens, no one is surprising their loved one with a Lexus for the holidays.

F this year, F 2020, F broken legs which we had two of this year, F this pandemic which didn’t have to be so bad if we had decent leadership in this country, F our current administration that couldn’t care less for our well being while they stuff their wallets, F remote learning which is a non-stop drain in our households, F social distance get-togethers where I can’t hug my parents or my friends, F grocery delivery services who can’t pick out decent produce to save their lives, F pandemic pregnancies when so many women are struggling with infertility, F online webinars which are clearly for people who don’t have young children at home, F Black Friday deals where everything is sold out before you even open your browser, F those people who decided to “pandemic” in warm climates or fancy RV’s as the rest of us are struggling to pay our rent or mortgage and many more are facing eviction, F “pivoting” when you’ve put decades of energy into building the career you really love just to have it all pulled out from underneath you, F Giving Tuesday when you are standing in lines for food handouts yourselves, F people who claim that wearing a mask doesn’t help as they continue to crowd our hospitals and spread this virus with no regret, F worrying about how much screen time our kids are getting when they can’t go play with their friends, F cancer which has taken three loved ones from my life in the past 9 months, F Zoom funerals where we can’t be there to comfort those in pain or get comfort for our own pain, F making the most out of this situation because it Fing stinks and there’s no sugar coating it.

Now 2021 is not going to be a picnic, we have barely begun to feel the economic effects of COVID-19, and if I was a betting person I’d say that things are still going to get worse before they get better. We may have vaccines, but we also have a long road to go before they are properly distributed and administered to our communities. As of now, if you are under the age of 16, there’s no vaccine for you. Watching my feed I see boys and girls with Arthrogryposis struggling for their lives after becoming infected with COVID. This might not be the case if Aleck was to get infected, just like with everyone else, if you are healthy then there’s a good chance you’ll be OK, but there’s also the chance that you won’t. We’ve had people close to us, friends and family members, who have successfully fought and recovered from this virus. But we also see the stories of those who were young, healthy, and didn’t have that same success. In a way, 2020 is far from over. In fact, I suggest we postpone starting 2021 and simply call it 2020 v2.0. Even though we throw out our old calendars, we never throw away the problems and issues that were attached to those years. This is not a clean slate, this is not the year to start over and make those lofty goals, this will be another year of just surviving, and that, alone, is already a lofty goal.

Happy Fing New Year.

One Reply to “F 2020”

  1. Hang in there! I too broke my femur & had 3 surgeries. One to fix my leg, one to replace my left knee replacement & one debreeding my stage 4 wound that I got in January 2019. 2019 was a ball buster with me having emergency surgery, in January in a coma & life support. Michael died in January 2019 but my kids didn’t tell me until March. That year sucked until Eric got engaged in December 2019. The only good thing about 2019. 2020 was to be a banner year but I needed 2 surgeries & a procedure on my wound. I finally made to home in December after my fall in early August. I’m looking forward to 2021. May G-d help us all! Love to you & your family!

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