(Sung to the tune from Sound of Music)
After everything we weathered last year I decided that my birthday was like a serious Chicago winter (not like the winter we are having right now which is such a nice break). There is the actual temperature outside and then you always hear the weathermen announce the “Real Feel”, the temperature that you register when that wind whips across your face during your morning commute. So with me, there is how old I am turning (tomorrow, yikes) and how old I actually feel, and this year I think my “real feel” is 55. You know, for being in my 50’s I look pretty good but would think I would have accomplished more in my life by this point. Another friend of mine who’s birthday is a week before mine, sighed and said, “Well, I’m 35 years old. At this point I thought I’d have 2 kids and a house in the suburbs,” as we were watching his two kids play in their house in the suburbs. He sounded almost disappointed that he had accomplished exactly what he thought he would have accomplished by that age, maybe he didn’t like his own predictability, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was a little jealous.
Not of his house per say, or his two kids, but more that feeling of being exactly where you thought you would be by a certain point. I think very few of us have that contended feeling that we are right where we want to be when we wanted to be there. That goes back to the idea that we have some sort of control over what’s happening to us, how we get there, and what obstacles are thrown at us along the way. Now, I hope Craig isn’t freaking out right now, but I do want a house someday. He’s hell bent on staying in the city, and I don’t like most of the surrounding suburbs of Chicago, my romanticized image of what the suburb I grew up in was like really gets in the way of any realistic idea of suburban living in Illinois, but I want multiple floors with a staircase and a backyard, maybe even a garage of some sort. And I definitely wanted two children, at least.
All I want right now is some time to get my nails done, as I do every year on my birthday. I want to be able to relax and enjoy a nice dinner with my husband, my parents are coming to babysit and we are going to Sunda with a giftcard we got for our anniversary(we didn’t go out for that event). And I want to feel like the day is just a little bit special. But after all that we’ve been through I actually think it’s my parents who should be relaxing and me treating them to a nice dinner. How funny is it that our birthdays are about us, when in reality they should be about the people who were responsible for getting us to this point. For carrying us in their wombs, for feeding us, comforting us when we cried, and resisting the urge to throw us out of a window, a moving car, an airplane, or leaving us on the steps of some church somewhere. I know when Aleck turns one I’m going to be celebrating more than he will, and if he wants to eat his first sugar, great, if not, no worries, I’ll be there with my head planted firmly in the frosting.
In other news, we had our last serial casting on Tuesday and an ultrasound on his left hip on Monday. The hip is firmly in place, so now he just has to wear the hip splint at night. Craig was counting on being done with the splint all together, but I had a feeling that wasn’t going to be the case. This is the type of journey where relief comes in small doses, baby steps, until one day we hopefully look back and are free from casts, harnesses, splints, braces, and everything else they are going to throw at us to help Aleck in his quest for full functionality. We certainly can’t yearn for those days right now because it will only make the road ahead of us feel longer and harder. Baby steps.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year. Not sure what we are going to do, but my guess is it won’t be much different than any other evening. I’ll probably fall into bed around 10pm, Craig shortly after he finishes the evening feed, and we will awake when the “alarm” clock in the other room goes off.
Happy 2012!